I woke up from a nightmare, the details of which I do not recall, however I do remember the desperate feelings of absolute confusion and of being completely lost. I had relocated to Texas from Florida and this was my 4th year in a relationship with my second husband. I reached over to him, shaking him, with quiet terror in my voice I said, “I don’t know who I am, Help me, I don’t know who I am!” He brushed my hand down gently and said, “OK, go back to sleep.” In that moment I had a flashback of my childhood, I saw the end of the scene when I adopted the belief that I was in this world alone and no one was going to rescue me. I had to find my own way, not even my husband would, or could help. The life I had lived all came back to me, and I saw all the times I had masked my authenticity to fit in, to survive a situation, or to ensure my success, and that is when I became aware of my shame in having lived too much of my life in pretense. This was the beginning of shedding the identity I had so carefully curated, the beginning of wholeness.
The process of becoming whole begins with self inquiry. Self inquiry is a profound process of introspection and contemplation that we do to gain a deeper understanding of ourselves. The following is a list of self-inquiry questions that can potentially aid in defining the self:
How do I know who I am? (This is a fundamental question to explore the essence of your being.)
What are my core values? (Identifying the principles that guide your life.)
What are my passions and interests? (Discovering what brings you joy and fulfillment.)
What are my strengths and weaknesses? (Understanding your abilities, and your areas for growth.)
How do I perceive myself? (Examining your self-image and beliefs about yourself.)
What are my fears and insecurities? (Acknowledging and addressing the aspects of self that are holding you back.)
What are my goals and aspirations? (Defining the direction you want to take in life.)
How do I handle challenges and adversity? (Understanding your coping mechanisms and resilience.)
What roles do I play in different areas of life? (Identifying your roles as a friend, partner, professional, etc.)
How do I relate to others? (Examining your communication and relationship patterns.)
What experiences have shaped me? (Reflecting on past events and their impact on your identity.)
What brings me a sense of fulfillment and purpose? (Exploring what gives your life meaning.)
How do I handle success and failure? (Understanding your response to achievements and setbacks.)
What are my boundaries and limitations? (Recognizing what you can, and can not tolerate.)
How do I express my emotions? (Examining your emotional intelligence and expression.)
What are my beliefs about the world and its purpose? (Understanding your worldview and philosophy.)
How do I define success and happiness? (Determining what success and happiness mean to You.)
What habits and routines do I have? (Analyzing your daily patterns and behaviors.)
What are my dreams and aspirations for the future? (Considering your long-term vision.)
How do I respond to change? (Understanding your adaptability, and openness to new experiences.)
I know that the answers to some of these questions are not easily accessed. I know that some feel completely out of reach. I can share that if you will allow yourself the patience and presence through meditating on these questions, you will find the answers.
Through self-inquiry, you can gain valuable insights into your identity, values, and purpose, helping you build a more authentic and fulfilling life.
Understand, and remember that self-discovery is an ongoing journey, and revisiting these questions at different stages of life can lead to further growth and understanding.
Thank you for your curiosity in more clearly defining your authenticity. This curiosity will develop into complete acceptance and allowance of the whole self, and will continue to unfold your authenticity.
I admire your courage to explore and experience the wholeness of yourself, as within, so without. When you change yourself, you change the world.
I offer my 100% presence in coaching you through this process of self inquiry.
