You Can't Give Someone a Gift and Tell Them How to Use It
Gift-giving is an act of kindness and generosity that is inherent in human nature. It is listed as one of The 5 Love Languages in Gary Chapman’s book. All five are: Gifts, Acts of Service, Quality Time, Affection, and Words of Affirmation. Gifting is a way of showing someone that you care about them and appreciate their presence in your life. It’s a way of extending your energy towards someone so that they can feel loved. However, when it comes to giving a gift, it's essential to remember that once it's given, it's out of your control. You cannot dictate how the recipient should use it or what they should do with it.
This philosophy becomes even more important when the gift you're giving is your love. While love is undoubtedly an emotion, it's also a verb, an action that requires effort, commitment, and dedication. Love is not just a feeling; it's a choice we make every day to show up for the people we care about. It's about actively listening to them, supporting them, and being there for them through thick and thin, joy and pain. Love is not just something that happens to us; it's something we actively do for others. It's the small gestures, like making their favorite meal, patiently listening to their woes, or offering a shoulder to cry on, that show our love in action. By treating love as a verb, we understand that it requires effort and work, but it also brings us the most joy and fulfillment in life. Ive heard it said, stop trying to love someone and start trying to understand them, in this way they will feel loved. This is a shift in intention that deepens a connection.
When you love someone, you take them as a part of yourself, you can not hurt them, or bear witness to their pain without hurting yourself, you want them to be happy and fulfilled in life. You want to support them in achieving their dreams and being their best selves. However, it's essential to remember that their happiness and fulfillment are not for you to decide. Each person's journey in life is unique, and they must navigate it in their way. Trying to control or direct someone's life, even with the best of intentions, can often lead to resentment, frustration, and even heartbreak. We would do well to understand what exactly our loved ones wish for themselves, and then help them to get it, anything else is meddling.
Love is a gift that must be given freely, without expectation, with expectations come manipulations, so it's essential to remember that it's not something that can be controlled or directed once givien. The best way to show your love is to trust and support the person you love unconditionally, even if their decisions don't align with your own. It's vital to trust the person you love to make their own decisions and support them through their successes and their failures.
You can’t give some a gift and tell them how to use it, even when, and especially if that gift is your love. This is a crucial aspect of mastering healthy relationships. It's essential to remember that each person's journey in life is unique, and they must navigate it in their way. Trust and support are the most powerful gifts you can give, and this will allow your loved ones to flourish in their own way. Understanding this and putting it in action will set you up to master your relationships and create a culture of love.
