Taking Steps to Heal the Mother Wound

We all carry wounds within us, some of which are more deeply rooted than others. One wound that many people struggle with is the mother wound—the emotional pain and trauma caused by our relationship with our mothers. Whether it’s due to neglect, criticism, abuse, or simply the disappointment of not having our needs met as children, the mother wound can have a lasting negative impact on our lives, and the extent of satisfaction we experience from our other relationships. But just as we can heal any other kind of wound, we can also heal the mother wound. I have done it.

Until recently I have had a hard time receiving love. I confess I did not feel close to my mother in my childhood. As an adult I came to realize she was wrestling with her own issues as I was growing up. But as a child it felt like rejection, I felt like an annoyance. Because of that, I spent a lot of time making plans to be outside of the home. I would spend a lot of time at friends’ houses. I was desperate for attention, I was desperate for love, and I got really good at finding it. Throughout my life I have had the pleasure to know many kind, loving, nourishing people. I was involved in Girl Scouts and church functions as a young girl and as I grew older I dove head first into extra curricular activities. I was in SkiCLub, Drama Club, American Field Service (AFS), Track , Cross Country, Peer Education, I was in plays, student government, and more I’m sure, I can’t recall all of them right now. Each of these activities took up time; weekends, evenings, even whole summers away from the place my needs were not met. I’m grateful for the skill I learned to find people who can meet my need for connection. However, it seemed to go one way. I became a people pleaser, a coping mechanism rooted in fear, not love. These one way relationships mimicked my perception of the love between my mother and myself. I was “editing” myself to secure the connection. Ironically, with my mother, my absence, my non-annoyance was what secured our connection not to be ruffled. And with my other relationships, my agreeableness secured the connection. Over the years this agreeableness had become a mask, and anyone who said they loved me, I could not receive their love fully because I knew they didn’t know the true me, and how could they? I had not felt the safety to do so. My priority up until a couple of years ago was to appear good. My priority has since shifted to become whole. After beginning the practice of wholeness, or integration, a practice of self acceptance, it has evolved into a practice of accepting others, as they are, without needing them to change. And it is a practice, it never finishes, it’s a constant refinement of noticing resistance and judgment, criticism and compliment, and owning it back to the self. All of this experience of living always comes back to the self, the I Am, and the first question on my journey has been , '“How do I know who I am?

Here are a few steps You can take on Your healing journey.

1) Acknowledge Your Feelings

The first step in healing any kind of emotional pain is to acknowledge it and give yourself permission to feel whatever it is you’re feeling. That doesn’t mean wallowing in your sadness—it means sitting with your emotions and allowing them to wash over you without judgment or resistance. This step may take some time, but it will help you gain clarity and understanding around why you feel the way you do.

2) Talk To Someone About It

If possible, find someone who will listen without judgment or advice-giving—a friend or family member who is willing to just be there for you while you talk through what happened and how it has affected your life. If no one close to you feels like a safe space for this conversation, consider me as your coach, or speaking to a therapist who specializes in healing childhood traumas and wounds. Just having someone listen and understand can make a huge difference in how much better you feel about yourself and your relationships going forward.

3) Practice Self-Compassion

Part of healing from the mother wound involves opening up our hearts again after being hurt so many times by those closest to us. To do this effectively requires self-compassion—learning how to be gentle with ourselves when we experience difficult emotions related to our past experiences with our mothers. Forgiveness isn’t always easy or possible, but learning how to be kinder toward ourselves is essential for healing from the mother wound and moving forward into healthier relationships with others (and even ourselves).

Conclusion:

Healing from the mother wound isn’t easy; it takes time and effort and often involves confronting painful memories that we may have spent years trying not to think about. But if we take small steps every day toward accepting what happened in the past and loving ourselves enough to move on from those experiences, then eventually we can begin living our lives free from the burden of carrying around such deep emotional pain. No matter where you are in your journey towards healing your mother wound, know that there is hope for a brighter future ahead!

If you are ready to take a step toward healing, please find my guided meditations in alignment with your needs. And if you are really brave, I’d be honored to work one on one with you in re-wiring your beliefs on the cellular level.