Recently I discovered I was judging myself too harshly regarding not keeping in better touch with a loved one. The friends with which I was discussing it, helped me, through their own vulnerability, to feel into the experience of past exchanges between myself and this loved one. And I came to the understanding that I don’t feel safe in that relationship to express the truth of myself. My ideas, input, and opinions would meet harshness and criticism like an energetic slap. Recalling our interactions, and deleting the ‘shoulds’ to which I held myself, and realizing my feeling of unsafeness dissolved the heavy guilt and grief I was experiencing and released me from the self imposed pressure to keep in better touch with someone who had not proved interested.

The following are ways to discern how seen and heard you are in your relationships, ie. how safe you feel to reveal your authenticity.

Authentic Expression: This is essential for understanding the level of emotional connection and support you are receiving. Here's a list of indicators that can help you assess how seen and heard you feel in your relationships:

Active Listening: Observe whether the other person actively listens to you when you speak, showing genuine interest in what you have to say.

Empathy and Understanding: Assess how often the other person shows empathy and understanding towards your feelings and experiences.

Validation of Emotions: Pay attention to whether your emotions are validated and acknowledged rather than dismissed or belittled.

Supportive Communication: Evaluate whether the other person provides supportive and encouraging communication, especially during difficult times.

Reciprocity: Consider whether the level of engagement in the relationship feels balanced, with both parties taking turns to share and listen.

Respect for Boundaries: Note whether the other person respects your personal boundaries and doesn't push you to share more than you're comfortable with.

Remembering Details: Take note of whether the other person remembers important details about you and your life, showing that they pay attention.

Initiating Contact: Observe if the other person actively initiates contact with you and expresses interest in spending time together.

Sharing Vulnerabilities: Assess whether the other person feels comfortable sharing their vulnerabilities with you, as this can indicate a level of trust and openness.

Conflict Resolution: Evaluate how conflicts are handled in the relationship. Are they resolved in a constructive and respectful manner?

Non-Judgmental Attitude: Consider whether the other person maintains a non-judgmental attitude towards you and your choices.

Encouragement and Support: Reflect on whether the other person encourages and supports your goals and aspirations.

Presence in Challenging Times: Take note of whether the other person is present and supportive during challenging or difficult periods in your life.

Quality Time Spent Together: Consider how much quality time you spend together and whether the other person prioritizes your relationship.

Feeling Safe to Express Yourself: Evaluate whether you feel safe and comfortable expressing your thoughts and emotions in the relationship.

Equal Decision-Making: Assess whether both of you have equal say in decision-making and whether your opinions are valued.

Celebrating Achievements: Note whether the other person celebrates your achievements and successes.
Interests and Hobbies: Consider whether the other person takes an interest in your hobbies and passions.

Supportive Body Language: Pay attention to non-verbal cues, such as eye contact and body language, which can indicate attentiveness and care.

Mutual Growth: Evaluate whether the relationship allows for mutual growth and development as individuals.

Remember that relationships can be complex, and it's essential to consider the overall dynamic rather than focusing solely on individual instances. If you feel that you aren't adequately seen and heard in a relationship, communication is key. Talk openly with the other person about your feelings and needs, and work together to build a deeper connection and understanding.

I offer my 100 % presence in coaching you through the process of assessing your self expression and whether or not you feel well understood. Thank you for your desire to express truth, as within so without, when you change yourself, you change the world.